Extreme Grandparents Family Vacation at Sea

Meet A Family That Calls A Cruiseship Home

by Rubin Carson

"Do you see what I see? Omigod!" That would be my wife Marilynn on the second day of our Mediterranean Mosaic cruise on Holland America's "Westerdam". She had just spied two children riding tricycles in front of a distant cabin and we were missing our own grandkids big time. The two of us bolted like paparazzi out for the kill. Our quarry turned out to be five-year-old Oliver and his three-and-half-year old sister Amber. "Where you from?" we asked. "Awkland", said Oliver. Pointing to a nearby cabin door. "But we live on the ship all year". "Except for Christmas and Easter", Amber added. "We fly a long way to see grandma". A stunning couple in their mid-thirties emerged. They were the children's parents, Leo and Danielle Ward, the Westerdam's resident "illusionists" (magicians). After inviting us to that night's show, Marilynn asked if it was true that the family lived all year round in a tiny cabin. "Two tiny cabins," Leo replied. "How do you do it?" Danielle rolled her eyes. "Prozac". Leo and Danielle's performance was not like any magic show we ever witnessed. The staging was spectacular with giant TV screens, strobe lights, rear projections, and sound effects worthy of any knock-your-socks-off rock concert. Danielle was impaled, locked away, and chained in everything from bank vaults to steamer trunks, but miraculously appeared waving happily from every part of the theater. Leo does a rapid-fire stand-up comedy routine during their act. (SAMPLE: "My brother is so dumb, he can't understand why our sister has two brothers and he has only one.") Throughout the stops at Corfu, Dubrovnick, Monaco, Marseille, Palermo, Malta, and Barcelona, the couple shared insights about raising a family on an eighty-thousand ton luxury cruise liner:

SECURITY: "If you bring along their favorite books and toys, they feel at home wherever they are."

BABY-SITTING: "Camp Hol on the top deck has enough computer games and rides to rival Disneyland. Supervision? The dancers in the show fight among themselves to see who'll baby-sit while we're working."

ON-BOARD SAFETY: "Oliver came in one night and told us Amber was missing from her bed. We didn't believe him but it was true. We scoured the whole ship and finally found her in the last row of the theater watching the show. Freaked? No. Everyone working on the ship watches over them. BEHAVIOR: "When Danielle first brought the kids to the show and I made my first entrance, all you could hear was Amber screaming: "DADDY, DADDY, DADDY!" Danielle whisked her out kicking and screaming.

SOPHISTICATION: "When they stay at their grandparents, my wife and I get dirty looks from her mum when Oliver asks for a room service breakfast. On this trip, the housekeeping staff taught Amber to say 'room service' in Indonesian."

JOINING THE ACT: "Holland America made a debarkation film with them that is shown on the TV in every stateroom. Amber keeps blowing the act by crawling out of the luggage at the wrong time."

Marilynn and I vowed to do Mediterranean Mosaic with our own kids and grandkids. Holland America has Reunion Packages where three generations get special rates on adjoining cabins. But on the plane home from Barcelona, our hearts were heavy. I missed our perfect shipboard family. "No family is perfect," Marilynn said through tears. "Oliver and Amber bickered in every port about who has more air miles."