A Step Parent's Role In Disciplining Step Children

Child Custody Questions? Ask Arlene

by Arlene Margolis-Devermont

While we all go into marriage with the best intentions, the sad fact is that divorce rates remain high in our country. However, many families are dealing with divorce, remarriage and joint custody in positive, healthy ways. Children are usually their parent's chief concern during times of transition, and Arlene Margolis-Devermont is here to help.

If you'd like to Ask Arlene your questions on raising kids in blended or divorced families email her at askarlene@familymagazinegroup.com.

Q. My husband and I have been together 2 years. We have joint custody of his 2 children from his prior marriage. They are in our home every other weekend and one night during the week. The children's mother takes care of all of the school issues, which is fine with my husband. This does present a problem at times, as his ex does not give us any of the children's school pictures, even when we have asked her to order us a set. I get very upset as I feel we are out of the loop as far as many of their activities are concerned. How can we rectify this?

A. Raising children is not about accepting the easy way out or the path of least resistance. You note that it is fine with your husband that his ex takes care of school issues, etc. One of the consequences to letting her take care of things is that she is apparently not going to take care of thing for you. If you want to be in the loop as you say, than you have to put yourself within that loop. You or your husband should be in contact with the school, on the mailing list, etc. so that you know what's going on in his children's lives. It is up to the two of you to know when pictures are ordered and to order what you want from the school yourselves. The picture issue is just a small part of a much bigger issue. That bigger issue is to be involved and know what goes on in his children's lives as much as their mother does. I know that this can be more difficult when the children don't live with you most of the time, but if you want to be a full part of their lives, it requires full participation in all aspects of their lives.